Novelty shop sells more than Whoopie Cushions

22Feb/100

Novelty shop sells more than Whoopie Cushions

OK, that's not true. I was totally prepared.

That's because Sherry Goldsmith e-mailed me in a tizzy after her 13-year-old niece got busted by Mom when she brought home a penis-shaped sucker the kid had purchased there.

Spencer's has been around for ages. it touts itself as a store with unique, edgy merchandise. And it's jam-packed with items designed to attract middle-schoolers and teens -- and give grandmas everywhere an apoplectic fit.

You may even have shopped there yourself when your hormones were raging and you didn't have anything better to do than giggle over fake poop, fart pillows and inflatable "party girls" that moan when you give 'em a good squeeze.

Walk into the store and you are immediately hit with a barrage of Playboy merchandise and sexy bustiers. Included among the store's many offerings are design-it-yourself T-shirts touting everything from Jimi Hendrix to marijuana, beer bongs and every plastic item ever manufactured in the shape of women's mammary glands.

It's a great place to hang out if you're a 15-year-old boy battling acne and rebelling against all that Sister Benigna Consolata preached in religious ed. But when Goldsmith, of Plano, went in the shop to check out what other merchandise was offered, she was "shocked" by the vast array of items so easily accessible to the Fox Valley's legion of youthful mall rats.

And as was the Aurora Police Department's Special Operations Group, which opened an immediate investigation late last week when I called to find out if there had been any complaints.

According to police spokesman Dan Ferrelli, Spencer's is in violation of the city ordinance concerning adult-use licensing. And both the store and shopping center have until Tuesday to discuss the violation with the city's legal department.

There had been no record of complaints against the store until my call, Ferrelli added. Which is pretty darn amazing, when you think about it.

The myriad sex toys, sex aids and bizarre penis paraphernalia are located toward the back of the fairly small store, but there's no door, wall or even a curtain that separates Peppermint "Panties" from baseball caps featuring SpongeBob SquarePants. Even in the short time I was gawking at the items, I watched a 3-year-old grab a couple of the above-mentioned suckers. The little girl, of course, had no idea what she was clutching in her pudgy hand.

But I'm quite sure Goldsmith's 13-year-old niece did.

"We tell our employees they are not to sell the adult items to children," said Kevin Mahoney, from Spencer's corporate legal department, when I called with my concern. "That was a mistake."

Perhaps. But he went on to admit employees don't card customers. And I have a sneaky suspicion they are selling plenty of these adult-only items to more than giggly Gen-Xers planning their best friends' bachelorette parties.

Mr. Mahoney was kind enough to direct me to a Newsweek article about how mainstream stores -- Walgreens, CVS, Target and more -- are carrying an increasing number of what he described as "sexual wellness" items, not just online but on their shelves. Not so sure I'd describe suckers shaped like a male sex organ as a wellness item, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Still, he has a point. all you have to do is stalk the aisles of your local Walgreens to see items once only available in seedy strip malls, including personal "massagers" -- both compact and regular -- with the innocuous name, "Health-o-meter."

The experts say it's a lucrative market now that the "Sex and the City" crowd has moved the vibrator out of the closet and into the nightstand drawer. But does that mean it's OK to have Hello Kitty key chains right across the aisle from Pecker Party Ware?

When I politely asked a similar question of the store manager, she told me she could not respond. Seconds later, I was approached by a tall dude who requested that I leave the premises.

"Are you the enforcer?" I asked in my very best Sister Benigna voice.

"No, ma'am, I'm just a guy who works here."

So OK. I'm cool with that. maybe I was hanging out a little too long next to the Slim Metallic Bullet and he took me for a perv instead of a prude.

Exiting the store, I felt a little like both.

Novelty shop sells more than Whoopie Cushions