Bridesmaid Etiquette — The Dos and Don'ts of Saying No to a Bridezilla
I've lost count of the number of TV shows about brides-behaving-badly. There's "Bridezillas" (now in double-digit seasons), "Say yes to the Dress" (which they usually don't ...), and "Million Dollar Weddings" (or, "Even though it's all free, I still want exactly what I want"), just to name my three favorites.
Secret's out. being a bride is one of those rare life moments where you get to pull the "this is my day" card. For the millions of women getting married every year, that means months of stressful prep leading up to 24 pressure-filled hours.
But what it means for those who serve in the courts of the wedding-day queens is something very, very different. For those saints (i.e., us), it can be 12-plus months of smiling, nodding and muttering, "I'm never going to wear that" under our breaths. Tempers can flare and feelings can be hurt -- all with good reason: being a bridesmaid is expensive, it's stressful, and no matter what, you can't say no to the bride.
Or can you? As one friend who's been bridesmaid to four would-be Bridezillas put it, "It just shouldn't have to be this way!"
With wedding season in full swing, and the engagement boom just behind us, here are some healthy suggestions on when and how to put your foot down when asked to be in a bridal party.
The Ask
I know someone who included a clause in her bridesmaid ask: no one could be pregnant in her wedding. As in, put your family plans on hold until I walk down the aisle 'cause if you get knocked up, you're out.
Nothing says friendship quite like your-looking-good-in-my-wedding-is-more-important-than-your-being-in-my-wedding, but the point here is that the writing will be on the wall very early in the bride's reign. in most circumstances you can't say no to actually being a bridesmaid, but you can establish what you are and are not willing to do. what you can't say: "Yes, but I refuse to wear yellow." what you can: "Yes, but with medical school there may be pre-wedding events I just cannot attend," or, "Yes, but I'm trying to get pregnant, and I'm not stopping for the sake of your pictures."
The Bridesmaid Dresses
Going into the dress-shopping process (if you have any say, that is), it's important to remember that there's maybe a 10 percent chance you will like this dress. That part you'll have to let go. But on the issue of cost, the bridesmaids should be considered.
This is where the maid of honor has the tough conversation. If the bride chooses a $1,000 Vera Wang for her mix of 20-something maids full-well-knowing cost is an issue, the MOH can gently recommend an option that's in a more comfortable range or suggest that because the dresses are on the more expensive end that the group wear shoes they already own and handle their own hair and makeup. the key here is that one person in the bridal party -- the MOH or person closest to the bride -- has the conversation avoiding nine OMG?!?! emails to the bride.
The Bridal Shower
It's customary for the bridal party to collectively pay for the bridal shower, but the key word here is "collectively." One bridesmaid can't decide a champagne brunch at the Ritz is best choice and email the group with the costs. Talk about it as a group, and be honest about the maximum you can contribute. That's first and foremost.
But the role of the bride in planning this pre-day fete is often the stickier situation. to her, the bridal shower is a sort of dress rehearsal for the big day, and she may want to control it as such. Here's where a sensible check-in and approval process can save lives. Step one: Establish the bride's big-picture desires. Step two: Determine how to execute as a collective. Step three: Bring your plan to the bride for approval, explaining which elements of her dream shower you aren't able to accomplish and why. You can't say no if she wants to play the silly bridesmaid games, but you can say no to renting 100 antique tea sets from London.
The Bachelorette Party
Here is where things can get really sticky. Bachelorette parties can be expensive, especially if travel is involved. the bride does get to choose what she wants and where, but if affording that is the difference between paying your electric bill or living without power, by all means say something. much like the dress situation, the MOH should step in here to say, "If it's a weekend in the French Riviera, several people are going to struggle."
Unfortunately you may find yourself part of a wealthier court. in this case, make adjustments where you can. perhaps you'll go for two nights not three, skip the spa sessions, or not invest in the $120 Juicy Couture be-dazzled "Bridesmaid" sweatsuits. Discuss this openly with the bride; it's OK to say, "I want to be there for every part of your wedding, but here are the cold and hard facts."
The big Day
Save up all the patience you can muster, because no pre-event tops the main event. You may have to wake up painfully early and sit in a salon as nine other women get their hair done before you. You may have to talk the bride off a ledge when her makeup isn't quite right. I know a set of bridesmaids who were asked not to eat lunch so their dresses fit perfectly. in these respective cases I recommend you A) bring magazines, B) be prepared to re-do her makeup yourself, and C) hide a granola bar in your purse, because the wedding day is the least opportune moment to start in on the refusals.
The No-Fail Rule
If you have to wear it -- on your body, face, hair, or feet -- you can't say no. Even if you know you'll never, ever "shorten the dress and wear it again." the look of this wedding is up to the bride, meaning you surrendered your own looks when you accepted her offer. You can make helpful suggestions. You can ask if your hair can be done half-up because it looks best that way. But if the color is burnt orange and the hairpiece is a giant butterfly, practice smiling.
If you have to pay for it -- your portion of the bridal shower, your trip to the bachelorette party, your burnt-orange-dyed silk strappy sandals -- it's somewhat open for discussion. the key here is to take your issues up with the MOH or other bridesmaids first, and be honest up front.
Serving as an active participant in the happiest day of your good friend's life is a lot of pressure, so much so that many people endure a lot of crazy. If you know your bride and know that "no" is never an option, hunker down, prepare for the ride, and write it all down for when it's your turn to drive.
Jessie Rosen writes 20-Nothings.com, an account of getting by from 2-0 to 3-0. she has three calls of duty as a bridesmaid under her belt and has yet to tell a bride "no."
Bridesmaid Etiquette -- the Dos and Don'ts of saying no to a Bridezilla
Shutterfly Survey Reveals a Rise in Pre-Wedding Parties and DIY Brides
REDWOOD CITY, Calif., Apr 15, 2010 (BUSINESS WIRE) --Shutterfly, Inc. /quotes/comstock/15*!sfly/quotes/nls/sfly (SFLY 25.00, +0.02, +0.08%) , the leading Internet-based social expression and personal publishing service, today revealed survey results that show that today's brides are do-it-yourselfers; blue is the "it" color this season; and past brides feel they spent too much money on some surprising wedding purchases. Today, Shutterfly also boosted its popular bridal line of designer stationery with 250 new styles, including engagement party, bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner invitations, wedding announcements and thank yous, as well as new bridal shower and save the date cards.
Though the economy may have impacted pre-wedding celebrations, according to Shutterfly's Wedding Trends Survey administered by Decipher, Inc., March 22-30th, 2010, bridal showers and bachelorette parties are back. The survey polled 422 women who were married in the past 12 months, and 500 women who are engaged and will be married in the next 12 months. Results showed an anticipated 58 percent rise in bachelorette parties and a 47 percent increase in showers.
Responding to this demand, Shutterfly debuts nearly 90 new styles created specifically for those pre-wedding events from noted designers like Dabney Lee, Stacy Claire Boyd and Tag & co. according to Stephanie Roeder, Shutterfly's Card Stylist, "Instead of sending a run-of-the-mill e-invitation, create something special -- and personal -- for your once in a lifetime event. Starting with the save the date, you can set the tone of your wedding experience. Whether that tone is clean, crisp modern; funky fresh or classic beauty, Shutterfly's new card styles offer something for every taste."
Traditional "rules" of wedding planning say that the maid/matron of honor organizes the pre-wedding parties. Although nearly half of survey respondents said that their maid of honor took the lead on planning, the survey also reported a 36 percent rise in brides planning their own showers, and a bump in them planning their own bachelorette parties, too. The study showed a shift away from bachelorette party planning by friends who aren't in the bridal party (61 percent decrease); more and more sisters are taking on that responsibility (47 percent increase).
Other findings from Shutterfly's Wedding Trend Survey revealed:
-- Should've spent less on the dress; more on the memories. of survey respondents married within 12 months prior to the survey, 28 percent felt they didn't spend enough money on the honeymoon; 22 percent felt the same about the photographer. 19 percent of the same sample reported spending too much on the bridal gown and food.
-- The old adage: "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" might not be true. Shutterfly's survey revealed that a third of respondents had been a maid of honor at least once in the past; 37 percent of those brides have been a maid of honor more than once.
-- Blue is the color of the season. Twenty-seven percent of engaged brides listed blue as their primary wedding hue. other hot schemes were black and white (24 percent); purple (19 percent) and red (17 percent).
With survey results in mind, Shutterfly's Card Stylist offers the following tips for planning and executing a successful event:
-- Use tools to stay organized. Planning all the details for the big day can become overwhelming. Shutterfly's new Wedding Solution Site offers tools like wedding to-do lists, photo checklist, and tips for picking the best save-the-date card and rehearsal dinner invitation. Whether you are just engaged, a bride-to-be or a newlywed, Shutterfly will help you create, capture and celebrate your special day. to learn more, visit, www.shutterfly.com/wedding.
-- Let the stationery guide you. Peruse invitations to get inspired by color palettes. For example, Stacy Claire Boyd's light blue and brown "One Heart Aqua" save the date could easily inspire floral arrangements, place settings and even bridal party attire. Shutterfly's black and white "Now Playing" save the date might inspire a movie-themed shower or red carpet bachelorette.
-- Book it. Whether it features the engagement, the wedding, the honeymoon or all the celebrations, nothing protects and shows off your wedding memories like an award-winning Shutterfly photo book. Don't forget to capture all the details of your wedding story -- take plenty of candid photos at every event and include memorable quotes and photos of landmarks, signs and meals from wedding events, particularly if it's a destination wedding.
-- Streamline communication. cut down on calls and emails back and forth between the bridal party and all others involved by creating a free wedding Share site on Shutterfly. Post notable dates, share milestone photos and key wedding updates. these sites are fast becoming the "go-to" solution for personalized wedding web sites, especially since Shutterfly will store your photos free of charge long after the event is over.
About Shutterfly Weddings
With a wide variety of offerings to help capture and share every moment leading up to the big day and through honeymoon, Shutterfly is Wedding Central. Brides will find new designer wedding stationery for everything from the wedding shower and bachelorette invitations to thank you notes and wedding announcements. The versatility of Shutterfly's award-winning photo book line helps couples celebrate memories and showcase engagement shots, favorite bachelor/bachelorette photos or images from the wedding day in professionally bound books. Shutterfly Share sites keep brides and their bridal parties on track; help notify and remind guests of events and registries; and serve as one-stop sites to view and share photos and videos from engagement to the big day and beyond. Finally, from playing cards to luggage tags to jewelry to large format prints, Shutterfly is the place for personalized gifts for the bridal party and other key wedding contributors. For more information on Shutterfly's complete line of wedding solutions, visit: http://www.shutterfly.com/wedding.
About Shutterfly
Founded in 1999, Shutterfly, Inc. is an Internet-based social expression and personal publishing service. Shutterfly provides high quality products and world class services that make it easy, convenient and fun for consumers to preserve their digital photos in a creative and thoughtful manner. Shutterfly's flagship product is its award-winning photo book line, which helps consumers celebrate memories and tell their stories in professionally bound coffee table books. more information about Shutterfly /quotes/comstock/15*!sfly/quotes/nls/sfly (SFLY 25.00, +0.02, +0.08%) is available at www.shutterfly.com. Shutterfly and Shutterfly.com are trademarks of Shutterfly, Inc.
Photos/Multimedia Gallery Available: http://www.businesswire.com/cgi-bin/mmg.cgi?eid=6250306&lang=en
SOURCE: Shutterfly, Inc.
Shutterfly, Inc. Media Relations: Gretchen Sloan, 650-610-5276 gsloan@shutterfly.com
Copyright Business Wire 2010
Shutterfly Survey Reveals a Rise in Pre-Wedding Parties and DIY Brides
All about Online Classified » Blog Archive » Tungsten Wedding …
The wedding day celebration is oneof your most important along with unforgettable moment of a soon to be along with in every couples life. for in that moment two different individuals shared your same feeling along with promised to love along with to hold each other for eternity. Till death do they part. your last part of your wedding ceremony is your wedding vow. where both your groom along with your bride keep their promise for a lifetime while sliding your Tungsten Rings on both fingers. for that very moment your woman becomes your wife along with your man becomes your husband.
Tungsten Wedding Rings play an important role in every wedding events. for without it, your wedding day will not be complete. it is a token of promise, love, devotion along with commitment. Both man along with womans marital status can be determine by wearing of tungsten wedding rings either on your left hand or your right hand fingers depending on traditions. usually a wedding ring is worn at your right hand fourth finger from your thumb. A man cant deny that his married by wearing a wedding ring.
How can you both achieve a perfect wedding? although its isnt that easy, theres actually a lot of preparations to do when both a man along with a woman decided to get wed. since tungsten wedding rings play an important role, it has to be perfect. your rings has to be somewhat that could fit along with perfect for your couple.
Choosing a perfect tungsten rings maybe different in choosing engagement rings, but its still your couples decision if they still wanted to have your same ring settings along with styles or different. Buying of tungsten wedding rings can be done by each or by both couple .In modern ways, couples preferred to buy their tungsten wedding rings together so they could wisely choose their desired ring styles, stone setting, ring along with sizes. To make sure that they have wisely select your best rings for their wedding. Though there are some instances in which a man surprises his bride to be with his own choice of wedding ring. your same with your woman. Most mens tungsten rings are simple along with plain like your platinum wedding tungsten rings or tungsten wedding rings for men. Men want a ring that can comfortably fit them, for theyll be wearing these tungsten rings for a lifetime. Modern men are now choosing ring settings with stones. They wanted something unique that can match with their brides to be choice of ring.
Wedding tungsten rings are popular in weddings. for both couple will have your same ring settings. There are options in which you can both engrave or carved your names, a phrase like your words love you etc.
Platinum tungsten wedding rings are great choice too. for it never tarnish along with will last longer than that your silver kind which has a tendency to tarnish later on. White along with yellow gold are perfect too. This are your most popular choices when it comes to tungsten rings. it will truly look elegant. Especially if theres a diamond or other gemstones center stones or sprinkled around it.
Choosing tungsten wedding rings should be agreed by both. Remember, tungsten wedding rings are a lifetime symbol of your commitment along with love to each other.
All about Online Classified » Blog Archive » Tungsten Wedding ...
Mother of Groom Toasts – What are the Contents of Splendid Wedding …
I know you're blissful!
Your son is all set to be married and begin a different chapter of his life!
Nothing can compare to the feeling of having developed your child to become a mature and sensible person and welcome greater responsibilities.
It is this feeling of absolute delight that is expressed through mother of the groom speeches.
Mother of groom wedding toasts have undoubtedly become an inherent part of wedding events. It is a privilege for a mother to deliver a speech at her son's wedding. All the people in the ceremony will be keen to hear what the groom's mother has to say for the new couple.
As mother of the groom, you should make the most out of this rare moment. This is your opportunity to express your love for your son. Welcome your son's bride and make her feel at home. Doing so will make the groom feel wonderful.
It will be easy if you have some concept about what mother of the groom wedding speeches should contain.
Your special message will be an insight to the groom, his younger years, your views about the bride, as well as what a mother feels on this occasion.
And because of this, it is best to be properly prepared. With the right guidance and help you can present an outstanding speech, far beyond the expectations of the guests.
Mother of groom speeches should contain the right blend of content and humor. It should be able to evoke emotions from the audience and communicate in a nutshell your joys and best wishes for your son and his bride.
Surely there are numerous fond accounts of the earlier years of your son. there easily is so much that you want to tell!
What is needed here is to be able to compress all these elements in a few proper, carefully chosen words.
Clever Tips on Mother of the Groom Speeches
Start out by composing several outlines of your speech and refine it up to attain the final speech.
Your wedding speech should be divided into an introduction, middle part and conclusion.
All these 3 portions should be unified by a single theme.
Mother of groom toasts should have an interesting opening that will immediately connect the wedding speakers with the listeners.
You should retell one or two amusing stories about your son's childhood which will reveal the mother-son relationship.
If you want, you can also talk about any unusual incident which has come about during the occasion's preparations.
Using some wonderful wedding toasts and quotes will add substance to your special message.
The quotations and toasts must be carefully chosen and should be in sync with the theme you use.
Give special emphasis to your son's bride and receive her to your home.
Mother of Groom Toasts - What are the Contents of Splendid Wedding ...
Green Weddings Start To Take Root
It wasn't too long ago that when someone said they were having a ‘green wedding,' one would have thought there was going to be an Irish theme or a celebration of Eagles' football. Weddings going ‘green' are not being held on a golf course, either.
The interest in green weddings has been increasing over the past four to five years and is an offshoot of the rapidly spreading notion of eco-friendly behaviors, where the goal is "reduce, reuse, recycle."
Eliminating excess and thinking environmentally, when planning a wed-ding, may even be a cost saver.
Elizabeth Knox, director of Catering at four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia is very eco-conscious and a dedicated member of the hotel's "Green Team."
in an effort for a bride and groom to have a more eco-friendly wed-ding, Knox has the following suggestions:
Utilize post-consumer recycled paper for the invitations and envelopes. a calligrapher is most eco-friendly but if one prefers to print, using soy-based ink eliminates harmful chemicals.
For ancillary wedding events like the engagement party, shower, re-hearsal dinner, send e-vites instead of printed invitations.
Select a venue for the reception that is commit-ted to sustainability. look for locations that recycle and compost all the waste from the event. (The four Seasons Hotel is a leader in this regard.)
choose a menu that is local and seasonal to diminish the carbon foot-print from foods being flown in from all over the world. ask the chefs to purchase organic items when possible.
Additionally, there are some wonderful organic and/or biodynamic wines from which you can choose to minimize chemicals. and choose sustainable fish. Chilean sea bass, a favorite menu item is no longer offered at the hotel because of concerns of overfishing.
For flowers, request organic blooms when possible. Just like the food, choose flowers that are locally grown and in season. Utilize potted flowers and plants that can be re-gifted and/or re-planted.
following the event, delegate someone to take remaining flowers to local hospitals or nursing homes. Any additional flowers that are not donated should be com-posted.
if using candles in the ceremony or reception, consider using soy candles, a renewable re-source.
Bridesmaid dresses can be rented to save money and resources. if this does not appeal to you, consider donating the gowns following the event including the wedding dress.
in lieu of favors, pur-chasing carbon offsets for your guests makes a green statement. there are recommended amounts to compensate for air travel, events and even cell phone use.
if you feel you must buy something as a favor, consider donating to a worthy organization on behalf of your guests or planting trees in their honor. or treat your guests to something they will use again. Perhaps a specialty bottle of wine with a label designed for the special day or something as simple as a pack of seeds that also serve as seating cards.
there are plenty of Web sites that offer ‘green' ideas and prac-tical ideas for reducing, re-using, and recycling to help make your wedding a beautiful green.
(Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia is a leader in environmentally responsible practices.)